its been soooooooo long....

...i have been busy..really as u can see...the last i blogged was the days after i gave birth to my no.3..who is now,a cute,darling adorable 16 mth old...very active,very vocal..and never fails to melt the hearts of me n hubby...even d 2 older brothers have fallen prey to his cheeky grins n sweet NOs....one could never plan or even imagine wat it is like to manage a home plus 3 children,in desperate measures,i hv turned into a coffee addict..it was my outlet for a few mths after i had my no.3...now 1 year on,,i still hv my ocassional cuppa..where orchard road used to be my fav haunts..i have since chosen coffee joints or cafes..near child friendly places(read..empty space they can kick some ball around or splash in gd old water play)...or bookstores..lurve Borders for their space...when i do need some shopping to do...i usually sneak out for some ME time n get watever i need done..in a fraction of time...unless,im in a real..relaxed good mood,which doesnt always happen nowadays...i will make the SMART decision to bring all along,with the mister in tow of course..HE is my extra pair of eyes n ears...those times usually start off fine till my no.2(who seems to enjoy staying home a lot)..decides that after 1 hr,its time to go home...arrrrrrrggggghhhhhh,,,in the midst of probably struggling to try on a new pair of jeans or top..he would choose to freak out n tells us that he wants to go home n he is tired...all the drama till he discovers the children's play area..all of a sudden,going home doesnt seem so appealing any longer...Saved by the Bell..thank god..!!!..thats why its really at the top of my list to go shopping at a mall that has a play area..be it water play or playground,it does us all some kinda good more than harm..i strongly feel that kids have loads of energy to let loose..what with all the good food n vitamins we load them with right...so let em' loose...my no.1,Firdaus is all in the primary 2 glory...he is active,with so much to say most of the time...tests my patience a lot..loves to annoy the younger siblings...been buying lotsa Mr Midnight n Geronimo Stilton storybooks...i try to keep him busy with assesment n activity books..crossword puzzles is another fav..if not he will drive me up the wall..but juz like me,,he loves chilling out at coffee bean n reading..there's so much to talk about when i bring him out on dates..some quality time together..its a need..considering the vast age difference between him n the other younger 2..with me,he would often talk bout his wants n needs..the worldly matters n his ambitions..with added witty,hilarious imagination at times...thru his eyes,i would learn bout so many,many new things..stuff i never really considered...its a learning journey everyday with my sons n im so very grateful to be given this opportunity to experience all these..my no.2,Umar...whoa..he is somewhat different...serious by nature..this lil angel needs a lot of coaxing instead of being reprimanded when he is at his worst behaviour..aggression tends to aggravate the situation,so i hv learned to handle him in another manner...not the usual punishing or spanking...some may say,im bein too lenient..well,I say...he is my child,not yours!!!!...i believe every mother know wats best for her child...and no two children are alike...I have always have this "guilt" in me..for having no.3 wayy too soon before Umar could even understand anything really..i have come to realised that he has this anger always seething each time he does not get enuff attention and i truly dont blame him...he is just but a young child...he had to grow up too fast n adjust to being an older brother at a very young age...it hurts me just writing bout this...jus like him,i havent gotten over that guilt...im still trying my best everyday to assure him that we love him just as much..he is just as precious to us all....i have tried to bring him out alone but this lil' sweetheart of mine..deep inside him,he knows we come in a package..all 5 of us..he never fails to ask after his brothers when we go out alone...and he always picks lil' gifts for em' when we are out shopping,be it cars or candies,even books...bless this boy of mine oh Allah...my consolation thru all these are my constant prayers...it keeps me strong...otherwise...im so glad to be born a muslim...just when i thought,im settled now that no.3,Hannan is more independent,Allah decided to test us again..another addition to my already busy,busy brood...i was freaked out initially..oh goodness,gracious me...i mean...ANOTHER BABY!!!..wat were we thinking..but like my sweet husband would say.."If he puts you to it..he will pull u thru it"...insyallah says my faith..i mean..wats one more to the existing 3 stooges..whether wud it be a boy or gal..its not an issue to us..wat matters is the baby would be healthy n my journey would be well..HE knows wat gender is the best for me..and i truly have my faith in his choice...im taking one day at a time,n alhamdullilah this 1st trimester has been goin well compared to mt other pregnancies..no morning sickness..nothing,been cooking well..i am however more tired now..the lil' one has been co-operative..Allah's great..he knows i got a house to run n kids to care for...alhamdullilah..my gratitiude to HIM..when i got married 9yrs ago,i never once thought i would be having 4 kids,let alone staying home..n dedicating my life n soul to this family...but truly with all my sincerity,nothing is rewarding as this sacrifice im making..my rewards may not come in this life...but i look forward to have it in JANNAH...im contented with the unconditional love im receiving from my sons...and all the knowledge they have taught me,no books could have done..and i have to mention the one thru pillar of support,the man Allah chose to go thru this wonderful journey with me,My Husband..my Soulmate..he has given me so much..so much love n encouragement...so much romance n passion..i must have done something really RIGHT..to have deserve all these blessings...and of course..prayers n support from my parents...without them both,,where would i be...i've come to appreciate life so much after being a mother.....and i hope to carry on this amanah with all my heart..insyallah...