..a mother's sacrifice...

..each time i go thru my pregnancy..my emotional hormones springs outta no where and decide to erupt every now and then..i get touchy easily..just thinking of my sons well being can bring tears to my peepers..and not to forget this hidden guilt i feel towards my 2nd born for short changing him on attention in 7mths time...i try my very best everyday to tell him i love him so much..i try to play and entertain as much as i could..he loves to eat..he loves to read books..and play peek a boo..he loves to crawl away from me each time i take him out of his bath..the coffee table is another play area for him..he would crawl around and hide at angle where we can't see him and peeps at us..just to make sure we are searching frantically for him..then he would giggle and crawl away again..his toothy grin which makes up of 4 now..he loves it when i use my finger and touch them..he would smile ear to ear..it tickles him i guess..we speak to him a lot..and mind you,this 9mth old is one vocal thot..never afraid to voice out his anger or displeasure..so different from his sweet natured elder brother Firdaus..now my 1st born,he seems to have grown up so much since the day i gave birth to Umar...very independent,he showers,eat,studies,play all by himself..and he understands me so well that just by looking at my tired face,he would scoop his baby brother off to care for and play with the small one..i'm so blessed,thank you Allah..does this sound like an almost perfect picture..well..you see,i had gestational diabetes with Umar,and now i'm having it again..it affects my daily energy..somedays my glucose is so imbalanced..i can be energetic this minute and flat out the next..its really very tiring and trying...and its so hard when hubby is at work and i'm home alone with the 2 boys..housework of course takes a back seat for now..i bled again 2 days ago,so i gotta rest more...so hubby and me decided,we would be employing a maid in the coming months...he doesn't wanna tire me out..plus i would need extra help when baby no.3 comes along..i cannot imagine what it would be like after my 5th month..tomorrow i got my check up,hope everything is well..i have been lazy bout going out..really can't be bothered..so money is well controlled now..which is good news for hubby,hehe..but i have been splurging at supermarkets..always on the lookout for fresh veges and fruits...proper nutrition aids in my baby's health..Rau,sori..at the moment we can't meet up,i get tired too easily..i got a bday party to attend this weekend..i better be well for my sons to have fun..till then...